Internet
with apologies to Allen Ginsberg
Internet I've
downloaded you all and now my hard drive has nothing.
Internet has
taken my Visa number — — — 2941.
I can't work
out how.
Internet when
will we end the connection?
Go unplug
yourself with your obsolete modem.
I don't feel
like logging on don't ask me.
I won't pay for
an upgrade 'til I understand you.
Internet when
will you be useful?
When will you
say something interesting?
When will you
surprise me?
When will you
glorify your million porn stars?
Internet why is
Google Books full of typos?
Internet when
will you ship lives to India?
I'm tired of
your constant downloads.
When can I log
onto my account and buy what I need with my credit card?
Internet after
all it is you and I who are linked not the next website.
Your surfaces
surround me.
You make me
want to be somewhere else.
There must be
some other way to escape your hold.
Gore is in
denial. I don't think he'll claim you back.
Are you being
strange or is this your usual behavior?
I'm trying to
turn you off.
I refuse to
give up on you.
Internet stop
the pop-ups I know what I want.
Internet the
keys are falling out.
I haven't read
the Huffington Post for months, every day newspapers don't come back.
Internet I feel
nauseous about The Daily Show.
Internet I used
to watch it online when I was at work
I'm not sorry.
I pee coffee
every chance I get.
I slouch in my
plastic chair for hours on end and stare at the lines on the screen.
When I go to
lunch I get sandwiches and never get mayo.
My boss is
suspicious there's going to be a meeting.
You should have
seen me reading his emails.
My avatar
thinks he's me.
I won't enter
the password.
I have level 80
spells and rusting bloodaxes.
Internet I
haven't programmed you to act in this way.
I'm typing in
the address.
Are you going
to let our night be taken over by Perez Hilton?
I'm obsessed
with Perez Hilton.
I read him
every day.
His pictures
are adorned by captions each time I visit.
I read the
website in the basement of my sister's house.
He's always
laughing at celebrities.
A-listers are
laughing. B-listers are laughing.
Everybody's
laughing but me.
It dawns on me
that I am the Internet.
I am Googling
my name again.
Comcast is
raising your prices.
I haven't got
the dough.
I'd better
reconsider my priorities.
My life
consists of 24 ounces of Miller Light, of Camels, of masturbation, an unread
blog that takes minutes to load and hundreds of hours to digest.
I write nothing
about my job nor the dozens of overpaid executives who live in downtown condos
under the UV light of the tanning store.
I have
demolished the wine at corporate parties, retreats are the next to go.
My ambition is to
be CEO despite the fact that I have no MBA.
Internet how
can I earn a million dollars in your world?
I will dominate
like Mark Zuckerberg my sites are as compelling as his lawsuits more so they're
all different colors.
Internet I will
sell you sites $250,000 apiece, $50,000 down on your old site.
Internet free
the money.
Internet save
my soul.
Internet
Craigslist's adult services must not die.
Internet I am
Rickrolled.
Internet when I
was a kid you did not exist. Mom took me to the park and she pushed me on the
swings and it cost nothing and the slides were free for everybody. Sometimes I
get sentimental about those days and my childhood friends with whom I do not
talk to anymore. Then in the 2000s when I was sincere and wanted to change the
world. Facebook made me cry when I saw their faces again. Everybody had grown
up.
Internet you
don't really want net neutrality.
Internet it's
them bad hackers.
Them hackers
them hackers and them anarchists. And them hackers.
The hackers
want to take our money. The hackers want power.
They want to
take our IDs from out of wallets.
One wants my
address. One needs my telephone number.
One wants our
life stories from college.
They need the
bureaucracy to be running the show.
This is no
help. Ugh. You enable literacy.
You make us all
equal. Hah. You distract us from work sixteen hours a day.
Help.
Internet the
message is the medium.
Internet this
is the result I get from Wikipedia.
Internet the
information doesn't seem correct.
I'd better go
back to pen and paper.
It's true I
don't want to join MySpace or type 140 characters in cute haiku,
I'm a terrible
poet anyway.
Internet I'm
putting my shaking hand on the off-switch.
by Christopher Linforth
in Volume 2 Issue 2
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