Monday, February 24, 2014

Indoor Activities

with apologies to Allen Ginsberg
Internet I've downloaded you all and now my hard drive has nothing.
Internet has taken my Visa number — — — 2941.
I can't work out how.
Internet when will we end the connection?
Go unplug yourself with your obsolete modem.
I don't feel like logging on don't ask me.
I won't pay for an upgrade 'til I understand you.
Internet when will you be useful?
When will you say something interesting?
When will you surprise me?
When will you glorify your million porn stars?
Internet why is Google Books full of typos?
Internet when will you ship lives to India?
I'm tired of your constant downloads.
When can I log onto my account and buy what I need with my credit card?
Internet after all it is you and I who are linked not the next website.
Your surfaces surround me.
You make me want to be somewhere else.
There must be some other way to escape your hold.
Gore is in denial. I don't think he'll claim you back.
Are you being strange or is this your usual behavior?
I'm trying to turn you off.
I refuse to give up on you.
Internet stop the pop-ups I know what I want.
Internet the keys are falling out.
I haven't read the Huffington Post for months, every day newspapers don't come back.
Internet I feel nauseous about The Daily Show.
Internet I used to watch it online when I was at work
I'm not sorry.
I pee coffee every chance I get.
I slouch in my plastic chair for hours on end and stare at the lines on the screen.
When I go to lunch I get sandwiches and never get mayo.
My boss is suspicious there's going to be a meeting.
You should have seen me reading his emails.
My avatar thinks he's me.
I won't enter the password.
I have level 80 spells and rusting bloodaxes.
Internet I haven't programmed you to act in this way.
I'm typing in the address.
Are you going to let our night be taken over by Perez Hilton?
I'm obsessed with Perez Hilton.
I read him every day.
His pictures are adorned by captions each time I visit.
I read the website in the basement of my sister's house.
He's always laughing at celebrities.
A-listers are laughing. B-listers are laughing.
Everybody's laughing but me.
It dawns on me that I am the Internet.
I am Googling my name again.
Comcast is raising your prices.
I haven't got the dough.
I'd better reconsider my priorities.
My life consists of 24 ounces of Miller Light, of Camels, of masturbation, an unread blog that takes minutes to load and hundreds of hours to digest.
I write nothing about my job nor the dozens of overpaid executives who live in downtown condos under the UV light of the tanning store.
I have demolished the wine at corporate parties, retreats are the next to go.
My ambition is to be CEO despite the fact that I have no MBA.
Internet how can I earn a million dollars in your world?
I will dominate like Mark Zuckerberg my sites are as compelling as his lawsuits more so they're all different colors.
Internet I will sell you sites $250,000 apiece, $50,000 down on your old site.
Internet free the money.
Internet save my soul.
Internet Craigslist's adult services must not die.
Internet I am Rickrolled.
Internet when I was a kid you did not exist. Mom took me to the park and she pushed me on the swings and it cost nothing and the slides were free for everybody. Sometimes I get sentimental about those days and my childhood friends with whom I do not talk to anymore. Then in the 2000s when I was sincere and wanted to change the world. Facebook made me cry when I saw their faces again. Everybody had grown up.
Internet you don't really want net neutrality.
Internet it's them bad hackers.
Them hackers them hackers and them anarchists. And them hackers.
The hackers want to take our money. The hackers want power.
They want to take our IDs from out of wallets.
One wants my address. One needs my telephone number.
One wants our life stories from college.
They need the bureaucracy to be running the show.
This is no help. Ugh. You enable literacy.
You make us all equal. Hah. You distract us from work sixteen hours a day.
Internet the message is the medium.
Internet this is the result I get from Wikipedia.
Internet the information doesn't seem correct.
I'd better go back to pen and paper.
It's true I don't want to join MySpace or type 140 characters in cute haiku,
I'm a terrible poet anyway.
Internet I'm putting my shaking hand on the off-switch.

by Christopher  Linforth
in Volume 2 Issue 2

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